Tuesday, September 29, 2009

If Leroy could blog and explain his nickname


Sound asleep I bask in sunlight as it pours into the west-most window of my house. All day I have tracked the sun from one window to another, a task which takes a lot out of a little guy. This is something humans never seem to understand: I work too.

Today my human's arrival is marked with the usual sleep disturbing sounds: Keys in the lock, shooing my kiss-up brother away from the door, stomping around to get to the beeping house alarm in time. But today there is something else that disturbs my slumber. Something lingers in the air along with human-funk. My sleep breaks as I place a smell....beans... rice…carnitas... that's it! It is a burrito!

Oh how the smell glides me across the floor like I am Pepe Le Pu. Pepe's object of affection being that pitiful black cat who is repeatedly a victim of unfortunate white paint mishaps. That cat must be related to my "special" brother.

As I drift into the kitchen to confirm what I have smelt, my eyes spy a thin plastic bag and a tin tube of Mexican goodness trapped inside. Tubular tender temptress you will be mine.

I watch as my human is drawn to the couch. I know that that couch has a gravitational force on the humans, lulling them into being stationary as I stalk my seductress. With cat like patients (what other kind would I have?) I wait for the peeling back of the tin foil surrounding the treat. I wait because foil hurts my teeth. Do the dirty work for me I think. Sit on the couch-black-hole I think.

The foil is peeled back in long thin strips and my human is seated in the gravity field. Sitting on my human's lap, watching Star Wars 100 times over, has actually paid-off, as my human is the one moron who falls for my Jedi mind-trick. Perhaps human, you should have paid more attention to the lessons and not the metal bikini on Princess Leia.

I hop onto the back of the couch to initiate operation Burrito Bite. From here I have a better view of the action. I see that the foil is half peeled and the pale naked flesh of the tortilla is revealed. It looks so innocent and pure. Again I wait as I let my human pierce the burrito flesh with a dull bite. One that exposes the tasty treasure wrapped inside. The sight of those carnitas make my four knees weak and I can no longer hold back the operation’s launch.

Clutched in the left arm is the object of my desire. I put a paw on the left shoulder and the human does not notice. One step down his arm - the burrito superhighway - two steps... three steps... just one more to go...Foiled! He switched hands! I’ve underestimated him.

Like a seasoned spy, I play off the effort as if I never had interest in the burrito in the first place. Casually I circle around to the back of the couch once again. This time, I approach the right shoulder. One step... two steps…I notice the Giants game is on now and the human is hypnotized. He is dumber than the dog. Three steps... four….VICTORY! I got a mouthful of beans and caritas! Sweet catnip this is heavenly. Belatedly the angry human shoos me away but it is too late, as I have a tummy full of food and revenge.

Revenge? Yes, sweet revenge for all those cold nights where I snuck under the covers to stay warm, only to be “Dutch Ovened” as my human so juvenilely described it. The horror, you can't fathom it.

Tonight I sleep on his pillow, tail towards his face, with a tummy full of toxic cat-gas. This burrito is going to make me so potent and he is an open mouth sleeper. Revenge will be mine!

Muah ha ha ha ha ha!

Look at the focus in his eyes

Notice how he slyly closes the gap between himself and The Precious. He took a bite of the crust in what would have been the third photo in the sequence.



Monday, September 28, 2009

Road uniform


An alternate cape just to keep it fresh

I only joined the scouts for the smores

Look what I got for $5 at the freeway offramp

It's a sack-O-Leroy

Captin Leroy


Leroy and I share a special bond.

Namely, he likes me, my food, my lap, and my pets, and for that I get to mess around with him in the name of entertainment.

This photoblog will serve as a tribute to my beloved Burrito Stalker. He who will nom your Gordo's especial right out of your hand. He who eats the toppings off your pizza if you're not paying attention. He who lets me put him in a box, spin it around until he wants to puke, only to get out and stumble like a drunk and then jump back in and meow for more. Like I said, he is special.

So I kick this photoblog off with an oldie but goodie. Leroy cheering on the Giants from the 2002 WS run.